By Sarah Smith
My boss is weird. Okay, okay, so I have a new job. This is progress, or so I would have thought. Like I said, my boss is weird. I’m supposed to be her assistant, right? Apparently, my job is writing in a journal. She said my job would be much more demanding in the next month or so, so I guess this is doable, as random as it is. I mean, I like writing, so I didn’t argue, but like I said … weird. She promised she wouldn’t look at it, and she let me create my own password and everything, so I’m going to say she’s weird all I want. Weird, weird, weird.
Anyway, my new job is at the Lem Institute. Doesn’t that totally figure? I’d thought I’d escaped through the flames with my tassel singed at the end, but here I am, swinging my knobby tassel at the door of my alma mater. I’m working for a new executive named Cassandra Talbot, which is funny, because she looks familiar. I can’t quite place it, but I’ll keep you updated, you dear and severely-weird-within-your-context journal. So, yeah, working for Cassandra Talbot. From what I understand, her job is recruitment of some sort. She’s been hanging out with Dr. Xayyachack, which fits in beautifully with the weird factor. They’ve been poring over notebooks, papers, and calendars in the cafeteria … at 3:30; and he’s been in the office on a few occasions.
But the funniest thing I think I’ve heard so far this week is this: Dr. Xay calls her Cass! She didn’t seem to mind, but oh my goodness, I fell off my chair when I heard it. My little office is a tiny room just adjacent to hers, so they didn’t see it, but they definitely heard the thump, and Dr. Xay was all like, “What the blazes?!” I had my fist in my mouth for five minutes. Oh my gosh. Little Miss My-Briefcase-Is-Awesome-And-I-Wear-High-Heels-To-Bed. I was instructed to call her “Ms. Talbot,” though I could potentially see someone calling her “Cassandra,” as cringe-worthy as it is. Probably the safest option would be “Your Royal Highness.” But Cass? Oh, hang on; I have to wipe my eyes.
Anyway, I better get back to work. Oh, wait! Yeeeeaaaaaaaah … well, I have nothing else to say, so I’m going to write asdfjkl; asdfjkl; until 4:00.